One Last Breath
by Yiku Mitsui Briefs Jaganshi
Summary: Rated for language and mentions of death, the woman featured is open to all Hiei fangirls to imagine whomever they please as the fire demon's woman. Heh, I'm weird. Songfic to Creed's "One Last Breath"


Okay, usually I wouldn't do a Creed songfic (I don't even hardly like 'em anymore), but this song won't stop bugging me until I write about it.  
  
Hiei: What song?  
  
That "One Last Breath" one. I think it's alright.  
  
Hiei: groans I hate that song...  
  
Well, too bad, you're featuring in it. I might put it up......somewhere. Anyhow, here it is.  
  
Disclaimers: (overly dramatic) OH, HOW I WISH THAT I COULD BE SO COOL AS TO OWN YU YU HAKUSHO AND CREED, but alas, I don't.  
  
Hee hee, Hiei suicide fic, I'm so evil.  
  
Hiei: ;;  
  
Yiku: Wah, you'll get over it. Oh yeah, it's Hiei's POV.  
  
In the dead of night, I can hear the thunder crashing violently, as if trying to convince me to go back in there. But, no, I tell them all, I won't come back. I can't. There really is no one in the world that I can confide in, no one to reach out for. I was born to be alone. This is the way it was meant to be. Why can't she see that? Why couldn't she notice, or ask if it was all right to intrude before she pried her way into my life? Into my soul?  
  
_Please come look, I think I'm fallin, holding on to all I think is safe......  
_  
I find the ledge that my "friends" and I usually would hang out at. Heh, friends, I should call them "acquaintances". They've never given a damn about me, so why are they trying to persuade me to go back in? I ignore them as I stand over the very edge, the cold rain beating down on me. Despite my hunger and great fatigue, I laugh. They actually think that I need someone. She thought I needed her. Why can't they see that I prefer to be alone?  
  
"Hiei, let's go back inside. The storm's about to turn worse", Kurama tells me.  
  
I turn around to face him slowly. "Go tend to your woman, Kurama, and leave me be."  
  
He's quiet, unsure of what to say. "Please, don't do what I think you'll do", he says in desperation, as he takes notice of our surroundings, and where I'm standing.  
  
I chuckle, in spite of myself. "Come on, Kurama, don't be foolish. This is me we're talking about."  
  
Kurama's eyes lower to the ground. "I know. That's what scares me."  
  
I blink at him as he turns away, and walks back into that building. I glare at his retreating form, and sigh. He was never my friend, and he's not now. If he were my friend, he'd understand, and just let me do what I need to do right now.  
  
_It seems I've found the road to nowhere, and I'm trying to escape..._  
  
I sigh heavily as I stare down at the water, watching as the waves crash onto the beach repetitively, as if too stubborn to move on. Kind of like me, but I'd never admit it to anyone, especially her. She tries occasionally to understand me, to get something out of me that I seem to be holding back. But, her actions are in vain; she can't find anything about me. I won't let her, no matter how close she claims us to be. I can't let her know anything, because then she'd be pulled down into the empty abyss that I am living in now. If only she could understand. But...after what happened earlier, I don't think it's possible for her to ever understand me.  
  
Flash back  
  
"Hiei, who was that?" she asked after I had slammed the phone onto the hook.  
  
I turned to glare at her. "Who the hell do you think, woman?!" I snapped.  
  
She returned the glare. "Sorry I even gave a damn." She replied hotly.  
  
"Well, I don't give a damn about you, so why should you do it for me?!" I demanded, before thinking about what I had said.  
  
Her eyes widened angrily. I could see the hurt in them, but they turned into anger soon enough. "Gah, why the hell are you taking this out on me?! You always do, and I'm damn tired of it!"  
  
"THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL HERE?!" I shouted at her, again not thinking of the consequences.  
  
_I yelled back when I heard thunder..._  
  
This time, she was quiet. But I could tell that she was screaming inside. I wanted to comfort her, God, I wanted to. I wanted to take her into my arms and tell her that I was sorry. But, no, my pride got the best of me, and I walked out, slamming the door behind me, and waited for her to start crying. But, knowing that she could still feel me standing there, I left.  
  
End Flash back  
  
I feel my heart wrench for her as I stare out at the ocean. If I hadn't have said that...Oh, God, she won't have me back. But, doesn't she already know that that's how I am? My stupid anger and pride always dupe me into acting this way. She's already tried to pry into my life, and my heart, trying to get to know the real me, so how does she always overlook my short temper? Damn it, does she even know what I'm feeling right now?  
  
_But I'm down to one last breath... And with it let me say...Let me say...  
_  
I sigh heavily again as I crouch down, now onto the very edge of the rocks. I curl myself up into a small ball, wondering if I'll go through with it or not. I'd might as well, there's nothing to hold me back. So, doesn't that make it okay? I have nothing, no one, so it's only reasonable that I find joy in ending my own life as soon as I can. Besides, I only seem to be a nuisance to those around me. So, I'll be doing everyone a favor.  
  
So...why haven't I jumped yet?  
  
Is it because...she's the one holding me back?  
  
_Hold me now...I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking...  
  
Maybe six feet ain't so far down...  
_  
Suddenly, I feel a strange emotion wash over me. Is it...that I want her to come and stop me? I shake my head. No, you're Hiei Jaganshi, the one who doesn't need anyone, because no one really cares. Mother always did want me to be happy, so I'll just make them all happy by taking my life.  
  
I inch ever closer to the edge, and bend my knees, leaping up into the air, and almost over the brush...if she didn't interfered.  
  
I try to turn around quickly, but slip on a rock and hold fast to a stick poking out of the earth, as she grabs onto my other hand. I can feel her slipping, and look up. "Leave me be, woman! I'll do what I must!"  
  
She groans as she tries to pull me up. "No chance in hell, Hiei! I'm not letting you do this to yourself!!"  
  
"But, you'll die, too!!" I try to reason with her.  
  
She opens her eyes, revealing her shed tears. "Then...I'M GOING WITH YOU!!!"  
  
My own eyes shoot up at her in disbelief and protest. I bring my hand up to hers as I feel our grasp slipping away. "Stop it!! Go back in there, now!! This was what I'm mean to do!!!"  
  
"God didn't put you in this world just to die!!! He put you here...to prevent ME FROM DYING!!!!"  
  
Suddenly, a flash of red hair crosses my eyes as Kurama appears over her, holding her by the waist to prevent the high winds from knocking her and me over. He tries to pull her up as well, as she is falling with me. However...the torrential weather has something else in mind, as it thrashes her and me around, then finally...her hand slips.  
  
In one instant, what is left of my human soul fades away as our distance grows farther apart. But, I see her being pulled back from the cliff by Kurama, and distantly hear her cry out for me. I feel the cold winds soaring past my ears, the pressure around them growing tightly, almost painfully. My mind can barely fathom the pain that it is about to go through, but, for some reason, I'm not afraid.  
  
I can't feel anything, nothing at all. As much as I try, I can't even open my eyes. Is this hell? I know that I'm not in Heaven, and I can't be alive. Could I?  
  
Slowly, my hearing returns, but all I hear is garbled speech. I can't even depict if the voices are male or female, or both.  
  
"I think he's starting to wake up", I hear suddenly.  
  
Her. She's right beside me, I know it, she's talking about me. Does that mean that she fell, too? It can't be, Kurama pulled her back when she was about to fall with me. Then it can only mean...  
  
I open a weary eye slowly once I have control of my movements, and I can make out someone looming over me. In no time at all, I see that it is indeed she. She's showing an odd face, though, but after a moment of study, I can see that...she's smiling. "Hiei, can you hear me?"  
  
Unable to speak, and barely move, I blink at her then nod my head, ignoring the pain that echoes through it. The more I gaze into her eyes, the more I want to pour my soul out to her, tell her I'm sorry, and cry these tears that I'm struggling to hold back. I try to force the smallest of smiles onto my face, but my body spasms with sudden harshness, and a flash of white covers my newly found vision.  
  
I faintly hear her alarmed yelp as worried but firm hands hold me down during my seizure. My head racks against the pillow as my fists clench and unclench, and bile rises up in my throat. I feel myself being turned onto my side as I vomit onto the floor.  
  
As my body falls limp, I realize the fact that that small image I saw of her smiling like that was the last time I'll ever see her face. How could I have been so foolish? Why couldn't she have pulled me up, wasn't she strong enough? And in the first place, why the hell did I even want to jump? I've only hurt her more than I ever could, and it was all due to my selfish behavior. But, that's who I am: Hiei Jaganshi, the kid who never cares about anyone else, only himself. According to everyone else, I have no knowledge of the emotions that are so common to see in others; kindness, selflessness, remorse, but most of all, love.  
  
Then, I don't want to be Hiei Jaganshi anymore. I want to change. God, if I can have another chance at life, I swear to try and make it better. Just let me live, and I'll show everyone that I do have natural emotions. But, if it is indeed my time, then at least let me watch her from a distance. From Heaven or Hell, I couldn't give a damn.  
  
As I'm being turned back onto my back, I feel them stick even more needles into my skin, an effort to save me. I feel their drugs begin to work, and my mind is numb...  
  
Please...let her live...  
  
END!!  
  
Okay, if you guys want to see more, then uh...leave some feedback. Because, I may write another chapter.  
  
Maybe. If I love you guys enough.  
  
-Yiku sama- 


End file.
